Too late It’s over

Winix True HEPA Air Purifiers

Begone, impure air!
Out with you, we say!
Never return!
Model: WAC6300, WAC9500 (A-)

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The Mehliad

Chapter 33
Continuing the tale of young Dan Fogelberg (no not that one), who fell asleep in a storm and woke in a fantastical, creepy land. Beyond that, your guess is as good as ours.

“We just want a map.” We were in hour three of our negotiations with the Grouponians, and things were not going well.

“I’d be happy to help you,” their Lead Dealmaker smiled from her perch in the tree above us, “How about a coupon for 31% off a map at one of our participating retailers when you visit now through July on an odd-numbered Tuesday?”

“I…no. That doesn’t help me.”

“Do you need any false eyelashes? I could get you 40% off.”

“No!”

“Yoga classes? Growler refills? Bike rentals? Real estate licensing? Dinner at a Brazilian steakhouse? Admission to a chocolate festival? Pole dancing classes?”

“Look,” I tried to keep my train of thought, “The Overlords are coming. They’re going to acquire your land. It’ll seem like a great idea at first because you’ll get a bunch of money and they’ll convince you things will stay the same, but they won’t.”

“Oil change? Haunted House tours? Three nights at an oceanfront resort? 72 D batteries?”

“Texas. I need to get back to Texas.”

“Tex Mex? Tex Avery animation cels? Texarkana Massage School Classes?”

“Okay, never mind, we’re leaving. Goodbye. Thanks for nothing.”

“I wanted the false eyelashes,” Goggles gloomed.