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Vivitar Magic Spin Electric Makeup Brush Cleaner

  • How long did it used to take you to clean your makeup brushes? A week? Three weeks?
  • Well, not anymore! With the Magic Spin, your brushes will be clean and dry in just THIRTY SECONDS!
  • Prevents bacteria, yada yada yada.
  • Look, we just want to marvel at THE SPEED!
  • Model: PG-V116. Because it’s rated PG. (The V stands for ‘violence’ because what it does to that bacteria is pretty rough.)
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There's No* Time! *Some

Within seconds of the evacuation sirens’ first blast, the halls were filled with scientists who screamed as they fled. Some carried their laptops. Others took the artifacts they’d been studying from the fallen spacecraft. Many merely ran, their hands empty, the situation too dire to think of anything but bolting for safety.

Yet, of course, Doctor Hiller sat at her desk, casually gathering her things. Her assistant Terrance appeared in the doorway and was aghast to see how slowly she moved.

“Doctor!” he cried. “The reactor is melting down! We have just four minutes to evacuate before this place blows!”

“But I must bring my makeup brushes,” said Doctor Hiller. “They’re the only ones I have, and you know how thrifty I am.”

Terrance sighed and clenched his fists. He could barely think with the sirens echoing through the hall behind him. “Fine,” he said finally. “But gather them quickly!”

“I’ll be ready to go as soon as I’m done cleaning them,” Doctor Hiller said. “They’ve really gotten quite dirty, sitting here on my desk all these months.”

“Clean them?” Terrance cried. “At a time like this?! When our very lives are at risk?! Are you ma–”

“All done,” Doctor Hiller said.

Terrance didn’t know how to respond to this. He was ready to read her the riot act, to tell her she was being foolish. Instead, he stood a moment with his mouth hanging open and then took a step into the office. He picked up one of the brushes from where it sat on her desk, next to a machine he’d never seen before. The brush wasn’t even wet, yet it looked immaculate.

“My Vivitar Magic Spin Makeup Brush Cleaner can clean and dry makeup brushes in just 30 seconds, thus preventing bacteria growth,” Doctor Hiller said, taking the brush from him. “So, how much time do we have now?”

Terrance checked his watch. “Three and a half minutes.”

Doctor Hiller stood, her makeup brushes bunched in her right hand. “Say, why don’t we use our extra time to grab one of those snickerdoodle cookies from the vending machine?”

“They’re all out,” Terrance said.

Doctor Hiller considered this. “Well, I guess you were right. What you said before, I mean.”

“What did I say?” Terrance asked.

Doctor Hiller grinned. “‘This place blows.’”

The two of them laughed the whole way out of the facility.

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