Blackout Bailout

So you finally did it. You finally cut the cord and told those cable companies to GTFO! Problem is, without a television package, how will you watch football?

The answer would seem simple. You get the streaming package, right? Only, then you come up against something called “blackout restrictions.”

Now, we’re going to get to today’s product in a minute, but first a little rant. If, by some chance, you happen to work for a major sports league’s streaming department, I just wanted to ask you a quick question: how are things where you are? And by ‘where you are’ I mean in 1995. Or 1999. Or 2001. Or whatever the fuck yesteryear you’ve sequestered yourselves in. Because here in 2019, your whole ‘blackout restrictions’ bullshit doesn’t hold up. Seriously, I subscribe to the broadband packages for the MLB and the NBA, and where I live (Des Moines), I am blocked from watching the Minnesota Twins, Kansas City Royals, Chicago White Sox, Chicago Cubs, Milwaukee Brewers, Minnesota Timberwolves, Chicago Bulls, and Indiana Pacers. That last one is particularly frustrating, given that I can’t get to Indianapolis in less than 7 hours.

And then, to add insult to injury, you have the gall to allow teams to sign TV deals with CABLE NETWORKS??? Are you fucking kidding me?! Like, seriously, I’m constantly having to set up weird VPN shit and find sketchy streaming sites JUST TO ENJOY A THING I LEGALLY PURCHASED! FOR HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS! ONCE AGAIN: IT IS 2019! I’M NOT BUYING CABLE! I DON’T WANT THE DESIGNER DOG CHANNEL OR THE HERBAL SHOPPING CHANNEL OR THE MODERN CHANDELIER CHANNEL! I JUST WANT TO WATCH SOME DAMN GAMES! SO PLEASE GET THE HELL WITH THE TIMES AND FIX THIS, YOU FUCKING DWEEBS!

(And, deep breath in, deep breath out, we’re back to normal snarky-yet-sweet copy voice in 3, 2…)

But, if you happen to follow a team that plays on a local non-cable affiliate, this TERK Amplified Multi-Directional HDTV Antenna might be just the ticket! It’s basically a sexy modern-looking set of HD rabbit ears that’ll allow you to grab all your NBCs and ABCs right out of thin air!

And by the way, it’s not just for sports. There’s also the Thanksgiving Parade coming up, the ball dropping, and all sorts of other seasonal goodies.

So, get a TERK Amplified Multi-Directional HDTV Antenna and get out of the grips of the evil cable companies for good without dropping a ton of extra money on streaming services!