Snuggle Me 15lb Weighted Blanket
- Much better for sleep than the weight of existential dread.
- 15 pounds of high density glass beads that’ll distribute evenly over your body and make you feel hugged and okay.
- Great for keeping air mattresses from floating away.
- (We may not understand how air mattresses work.)
- Model: TEK595. We Googled “595 area code” and found that it might be in New York or might not exist. This seems like a failure of TEKnology.
The Weight Of The World
If you’re struggling to get to sleep due to the weight of the world baring down on you, it might be a good idea to get a weighted blanket. Its literal weight can give you the sensation of being hugged continuously through the night, thus not only keeping you warm but also alleviating stress and anxiety.
And now weighted blankets are easily available to everyone. Furthermore, they’re engineered for optimal results. Take this one we’re offering today: for just $35, you can get a super comfortable blanket filled with lead-free high density glass beads that will evenly distribute its 15 pounds across your body.
This makes it a far superior choice to the DIY weighted blanket solution popularized in the past few years, which, as we all know, is to sew a bunch of thick hardcover books between two sheets.
But while these commercially-made weighted blankets like the Snuggle Me are easier to sleep under, some experts worry they’re not great for one’s literacy.
“Sleeping in a blanket of sewn together hardcovers, it is estimated that Americans absorb between 2 and 5 novels a year,” says Cheryl Cromine, a researcher at the Killmington University’s renowned Center For Reading By Not Reading. “There’s no telling how this shift away from the book-blanket will affect the canon. For example, we believe 98% of people who claim to have finished Infinite Jest only ever did so by way of nocturnal osmosis. Which is to say nothing about the new words people learn while resting beneath a pile of great literary works.”
But according to Cromine, there are ways to make up for the deficit in subconsciously absorbed literature for those who do opt to buy a more modern weighted blanket. “We’ve seen great success when people line their pillows with poems,” she tells us. “Others will combine panko and pages of advanced praise to make a breading for fried eggplant that’s both rich with words and intensely affirmative.”
See, you can have your more comfortable weighted blanket and still get your recommended literary intake! And with that, we’ll stop writing this stupid write-up.
