Smart Lab Toys 3-Piece Bundle

  • A trio of toys: one undead figure with grabbable guts and two buildings to construct and destroy
  • Have an old-fashioned Christmas: Pour the wassail, gather around the piano for carols, pull the intestines out of a zombie, indulge in an orgy of demolition
  • Billed as educational, but kids can learn from any toy, really
  • Like the time I got a Super Soaker, and learned a good spraydown with wassail will absolutely ruin a piano
  • Model: SL13136, SL12630, and SL12631, trustworthy model numbers if ever we heard any
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Smart Choices

A gift tells its recipient what you think of him or her. Mostly this is good. Mostly it’s sufficiently sweet that you thought of him or her. But we know a couple ways to bungle this aspect of gift-giving, and One Weird Trick to help guarantee you nail it.

The worst case scenario: You give something obviously thoughtless. The ne plus ultra of thoughtless gifts, obviously, is nothing (you forgot your spouse’s birthday, or brought souvenirs back from France for all your nieces and nephews but one), but there are other ways to evince inconsiderateness. You could give a bottle of wine to someone in recovery, for example. Or give your wife a bowling ball with your own name on it.

Another hazard here is what we’ll call the “PTUI”, or Post-Transfer Undermining Intel.

This is when you exchange presents, then let slip some piece of behind-the-scenes information that diminishes the apparent thoughtfulness behind the gift. If you got your dad’s gift at 7-11, say, or if you’re trying to pull off a re-gift, best keep those facts to yourself. And avoid letting your First Lady and your White House intern find out you got them both “Leaves of Grass”.

But enough about what can go wrong. Here’s how to do it right.

Pick a gift that straight-up flatters its intended recipient. Like some piece of kitchen gadgetry only a fancypants would care about, or a copy of this year’s Writer’s Market guide.

If you’re shopping for kids’ gifts, it’s even easier. Consider these “Smart Lab” toys, purported to be for clever youngsters interested in learning.

Is there anything actually educational about the toys in this bundle? We’re skeptical. But who cares? Not the kids you’re giving them to. In fact, as far as they’re concerned, if all these toys turn out to provide is unedifying fun, so much the better. They’ll have a good time grossing each other out (zombie set), and knocking shit down (demolition lab sets), and, as a bonus, they’ll be left with the impression their Uncle Buford thinks they’re smart. (Insert your own relationship and name if you are not their Uncle Buford.)

Just don’t let them find out you picked these toys up at Meh. That’d be a total PTUI.

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