Pacific Pearls Genuine Mother of Pearl Double-Strand Necklace

  • You get your choice of a variety of different colors. Choose wisely, or if you want to live on the edge, unwisely.
  • We’ve sold these before. Here’s a little bit more about the style.
  • The length is 45" long but meant to be doubled up.
  • They’re made from real mother-of-pearl, not that knockoff other-of-girl bullshit.
  • It’s not gift-giving season right now. But when gift-giving season arrives and all those other suckers are clamoring to buy some gifts, who’ll be laughing then, right?
  • Models: OYS681, OYS552, OYS950, OYS727, OYS324, OYS666, and OYS759. Only thing these model numbers are missing is an N, cuz these necklaces are rull noys.
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A Pig's Lament

“Do not cast your pearls before swine.”

People spoke these words without thinking, for a moment, of how they would hurt me, a pig. But more than speak them, they lived by them. Every time I walked into a jewelry store, they quickly rushed to put away their finest pearls.

I told them, “But it is me. I am not a descendent of some clown like Porky. My grandfather built the first ever wolf-proof house. He patented his special structurally-sound brick-laying technique, and it has been used in the constructions of homes the country over, including three governors’ mansions. He passed his business down to my father who passed it down to me, and now, my net worth is somewhere in the high nine-figures. So please, allow me to purchase the great jewels of the sea.”

Still, I received nothing.

Then, one day, I saw a New Yorker cartoon. One dog sat on the floor, listening to another, seated at a computer. The caption read: “On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.” For many, it was simply humorous. For me, it was instructive. I realized this was the easiest way to pearl ownership: the internet.

Since then, I’ve made a point to purchase all pearl and mother of pearl jewelry I see for sale online. Truthfully, I don’t even like pearls that much, but I buy them anyway, just to enjoy the warm feeling of a symbolic victory.

And thus, I will buy these pieces of Pacific Pearls jewelry for sale here today.

So far today...

  • 64222 of you visited.
  • 39% on a phone, 5% on a tablet.
  • 5221 clicked meh
  • on this deal.

And you bought...

  • 638 of these.
  • Deal ended .
  • That’s $14306 total.
  • (including shipping)

Who's buying this crap?

Which items are you buying?