Oh, the Mehmories: a Birthday Meh-rathon!

For our birthday this year, we’re putting on a Meh-rathon to honor the people that make this site so great. That’s right: we’re talking about US! So please, enjoy this epic celebration–or… sell-ebration?–by shopping, laughing, buying, sharing your thoughts, sharing your money, and buying!

Do we want to reminisce about all the times we’ve sold batteries? Of course not! That’s no way to spend your birthday! We want to think about things that make us feel good about ourselves. Like, when we sold things that were on the cutting edge!

And what is more cutting edge than a digital assistant? So here are our 3 favorite smart speakers we’ve sold over the years:

The Idiot Box: The speaker is a cube nearly the size of an ottoman. It come with a plaid case that must be washed at least once a week. And don’t think you can just let it go–or even worse, leave the case off entirely. Because Hermann will know. Hermann is the Idiot Box’s digital assistant. He’s incredibly mean; he will often respond to questions you ask by saying something like, “Really? I have all of human knowledge at the tip of my tongue and that’s what you want to know?”; and, if he’s not spoken to for more than 25 minutes, he will attempt to whistle songs from “back when music meant something in this country.”

Splash Wave Plus: Is the Splash Wave Plus the only water-resistant smart speaker? Probably not. Surely, there are others that can sustain some excess moisture here and there. It is, however, the sole product in its class that must be submerged in at least a foot of water to operate. The cute part: the digital assistant it houses, Bleu, is a whale! The less cute part: Bleu can only respond to and communicate in actual whale song.

The Home Haze: The first ever smart speaker that also functions as a vape pen. And also not really as a smart speaker. (It’s really pretty much just a vape pen.)

Now, if you want, tell us about your favorite smart speaker/digital assistant in the comments about this sale about batteries! (Look, we really don’t want to talk about batteries.)