The Mehliad

Chapter 37
Continuing the tale of young Dan Fogelberg (no not that one), who fell asleep in a storm and woke in a fantastical, creepy land. Beyond that, your guess is as good as ours.

The SS Stupid Boat pulled into the port of Farkus for a quick piss break and a chance to check the latest news. The place reminded me a bit of the land of Sa, which put me immediately on edge due to the psychological scars those dicks had inflicted on us, but Goggles assured me these folks would be slightly more welcoming.

The news was dire. Ogle, Grouponia, Snarksports, even Sa itself had fallen to the dickslugs. For every person speaking of the growing menace in hushed whispers, there were two praising the change and boasting of enhanced synergies, whatever that meant. Sa had been stripped down to a shell of itself, its once proud-but-misanthropic people reduced to sharing the same stale, sad memes as everyone else in Nasteria.

“I don’t see why you’re upset,” Geoff told me as we watched the Farkian villagers build a Millennium Falcon out of LEGOs, “Those people are better off now. They have access to so much more in terms of resources and reach. More people will hear about them and their culture now.” We made our way back to the ship and prepared to depart, debating the whole way.

“But their culture will just be dickslug culture.”

“That’s not true. The Overlords promise every new acquisition that nothing will change.”

“Yeah, I know they say that, but it changes. It always does.”

“You’re just cynical,” Geoff chuckled at me, “You don’t see the good in anyone.”

“I literally woke up with you groping me while I was tied down in a truckstop men’s room.”

“And nothing bad happened after that, right?” Geoff threw off the last of the ropes tying us to the dock while Goggles steered us gently out of Farkus airspace.

“Everything bad happened after that! And it’s because of you!” There. It was out. Geoff knew I didn’t trust him. Of course, why he ever thought I trusted him was beyond me.

“You think I’m telling them where we are?”

“I think you’ve been reporting back to the Overlords this entire time. We’re just mapping out their expansion for them.” A cold, angry silence hung between us as Geoff fumed. I realized that this probably killed any hope of him helping me find my way back, but that suddenly didn’t matter as much as stopping the Overlords. I thought hard about my options and how I could shake Geoff without incurring their wrath.

Then he punched me in the mouth.