Letters from the Mehditor

We hired a freelancer to write the entire Meh-rathon. But out of spite or laziness or or insanity he just wrote letters to random companies and people. Meh regrets the error.

TO: chester@cheetos.com
SUBJ: This cursed dust

Dear Chester,

First off, big fan. It’s so rare these days to find a hero you can count on to stay a hero. (As I write this you have not yet been accused of any sexual assault or perversion. Please disregard if that changes by the time this missive reaches you).

Your tireless dedication to dusting twigs of enriched corn meal with various colors and flavors of cheesy asbestos has brought joy to millions, myself included, and forged some of the most deeply American experiences. Who among us hasn’t enjoyed a 16-oz bag of Jalapeno Cheetos while listening to Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band on repeat alone in a dark room? What childhood would be complete without that memory of the first time a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos caused us to loose an unholy stream of fire-engine-red liquid feces that hit the bowl with such force that it spattered up the back of our shirt and all over the wall of the Olive Garden mens room?

Thank you, Chester Cheetah. Thank you for all that you’ve done, and all you continue to do. May your toothy grin forever beam from my television set, urging me and millions of Americans like me to gorge ourselves on your delicious cheese-like products of varying texture.

With the greatest of grattitude and admiration,

Meh

PS
I got on such a roll praising you that I almost forgot the whole reason I was writing this letter! How do I get Cheeto dust off my penis? Kevin said to use that soap with the pumice in it but that seems risky.