Health & Sellness No Wait Wellness Bundle
- Products for the body, the mind, and the phone!
- Part of a complete healthy lifestyle, (the other part being actually healthy habits and stuff).
- You could technically eat salad out of the phone case and keep your phone in the salad set. Nobody is stoping you!
- Model Number: F4K3EUR0
Healthy As A Heldagan
Anyone who’s ever visited the small European country of Heldaga will notice one thing right way. No, we’re not talking about their spherical buildings, or their lauded asymmetrical stained-glass windows. Nor are we making reference to their roads, paved with shell-based concrete and only wide enough for moped travel. We’re talking about the people!
Ranking highly in categories of health, intelligence, and good-looks, Heldagans will readily tell you they owe their good fortune to a small pamphlet composed nearly a century ago: Madame Chelphan’s Guide To Appropriate Living. Madame Chelphan has long since passed away, but the Council For Heldagan Vivacity continues to update it to this day!
And we are proud to present it for the first time in English right here, as well as offer the bundle of products that it recommends (it’s gotten a bit corporate over the years)! There were a few issues in translation, but please, do your best to ignore them and read on if you want to know the secret to Heldagan health and fortune:
Madame Chelphan’s Guide To Appropriate Living
1. A person’s intellect is his or her military [This has a rhyming, sing-songy quality in Heldagan] and therefore the face is the base [This does not rhyme in Heldagan]. The grounds must be tended and mowed using fresh Schick Hydro 3 blades, and the all makeup must be removed using Altchek MD Makeup Remover Towelettes to avoid [here a word is used that has no English equivalent but means, roughly, “the lighting-bolt-like cracks that appear in dry soil”]. And remember, always use a wet brush to keep the hair up there [another non-rhyming phrase in Heldagan] orderly.
2. In the barracks of the mouth [this is not an uncommon metaphor in Heldagan, their word for “smile” essentially being a portmanteau of the words for “shining” and “bunkhouse”], the teeth are the soldiers. Their formation is not as important as their ability to stand. Take care of them with a Violife Slim Sonic Toothbrush.
3. Ironically, one must consume greens to avoid becoming the complexion of the Hartaugh [pronounced ‘Hair-toff’ this is the river that runs through Heldaga’s capitol city, Geldaga; due to a strange unidentifiable algae it remains, at all times, a sickly green color]. For such, fill each container of your Cool Gear Ez Freeze Stay Fit Deluxe Salad set with spinach to be consumed a handful at a time throughout the day. And be sure to drink plenty of water from your Cool Gear Flavor Infuser Bottle. [The infuser is recommended, it seems, because the algae gives Heldagan tap water a strange taste.]
4. Also, protect your phone with an iPhone 6 SportFit Case.
Okay, part 4 seems a little suspect, but the rest of this advice is airtight, as far as we’re concerned! So buy this bundle and get hip to the Heldagan customs of health and beauty!
