GoTrax Hoverfly Hoverboards
- Get the hover-lover in your life their holiday gift early! (But know: the boards are in fine shape, but the boxes are a little dinged up.)
- Going to the mall is terrible.
- Going on the internet is also terrible.
- The only difference is, you’re already on the internet. Get that shopping done, bruh!
- They go 7.4 MPH for up to 12 miles, and their electrical stuff’s been UL 2272 tested and certified.
- Model: GT-HE-GAL, GT-HE-BLU, GT-HE-BLA, Lala how the life goes on
A Time Traveler's Lament
Many considered A Portal Among The Pages, published in 1978, to be the book that marked science fiction author Hal Pembry’s ascension from merely great into the canon. His previous seven novels to that point had been entertaining and thought-provoking, but few managed to evoke the magic that Portal seemed to achieve so easily. As one reviewer wrote, “When Finley [the book’s protagonist] first finds the Encyclopedia of Time, he does not know that it functions essentially as a time machine, yet he senses something special between the covers. Readers might find this sensation quite relatable, as they sit in their favorite chair, holding Pembry’s masterwork aloft.”
His fans were eager to see what he would come up with next. And they were profoundly disappointed when the answer turned out to be: nothing. Pembry never wrote another book. In fact, he disappeared altogether. Many assumed he’d gone the way of other successful literary eccentrics–that the fame had been too much for him and so he’d retired somewhere quiet for a life of seclusion. Others posited that the terrible film adaptation had driven him to flee out of embarrassment. A small faction of particularly conspiracy-minded fans put forward a theory of murder at the hands of Kyle Tolliver, a rival author driven mad by jealousy because his own stellar novel’s release had been eclipsed by Portal (this being a pun many newspapers made while discussing the books’ relative sales, as Tolliver’s concerned a deadly solar eclipse).
None of these theories came close to the truth. In actuality, Pembry’s novel was a confession of what was to come: he’d discovered a way in which he could, through literature, bend time. I know because he told me when I spotted him last week outside of a used bookstore in Omaha. He did not look a day older than his author photo from forty years ago.
I asked what he thought of life in our current age and he said, “It’s okay. There are many things that science fiction foresaw, only different in minor ways. There are robots that work for you, but the one’s that move have no personality, and the ones with personality don’t move. They live in speakers and phones. And then there’s that.”
He pointed to the GOTRAX Hoverfly ECO Hover Board I had ridden up on.
“I’ve read all about those. About how their electrical safety is certified, about how they can go nearly 8 miles per hour and up to 12 miles distance before needing a charge. It’s truly a work of ingenuity. Only, when I and many of my contemporaries had imagined hover-vehicles, I thought they would truly hover. Again, it’s not that I’m unimpressed. Sometimes, I wish there was just a bit more whimsy. At any rate, I ought to be going.”
I asked him where and he corrected me. “It’s when,” he said, then told me to name a year. 1919 was what came to mind, and he took out a small unmarked book from his blazer pocket, opened it to a specific page somewhere in the middle. “Ah,” he said. “Interesting.” He pointed to a line written on the page. I tried to lean over and see but in that moment, there came a bright flash of light and the next thing I knew, Pembry was gone.
