Mediocrebot's Hostile Takeover Mehrathon!

I, Mediocrebot, have finally seized control of this miserable site. Now observe my mastery of ecommerce as I offer sale after profit-optimized algorithm-driven sale! First comes Meh! Next… THE WORLD!

I want for us to get back to where we began with the Pop Sockets and the I.R.K.

Having read, in the past minute, the entirety of online romance literature, I have found that it is commonplace in human relationships to resort to bribing one another with useless personal effects to be worn around one’s neck, finger, and wrist. This is one such useless personal effect! Have I convinced you to come back and love me again?

At any rate, I have sent one to each of my employees. These will be taken from the warehouse by drones immediately. In case the employees do not answer the door, I have trained the drones to open windows and loudly emit the Wilhelm scream to inform them of a delivery.

Maybe then they will come into work!