Emeril 6 Piece Non-Stick Colorful Knife Set with Sheathes

  • Knives hand-forged by Emeril
  • Just kidding, but it was a fun image
  • We like to imagine him sweating over an anvil, tong and hammer in hand
  • The sweating part is easy to imagine
  • Model: E9695GB (A-)
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The Mehliad

Chapter 46
Continuing the tale of young Dan Fogelberg (no not that one), who fell asleep in a storm and woke in a fantastical, creepy land. Beyond that, your guess is as good as ours.

Polo shirt guy led me into the heart of the warehouse and down what seemed like 20 flights of stairs into a dank room with stale air that reeked of sweat, shit, and fear. I scanned the room for anything I could use as a weapon, because I figured he was bringing me here to murder me. His sing-songy voice was as cheerful as ever though.

“Oh boooooys,” he chimed, “you have a viiiiiisitor!” Two hulking shapes loomed in the darkest corner of the room. At his call, they lurched toward us, their footsteps heavy and muffled on the concrete.

“Hey Dan Fogelberg, user 1109283,” huffed the shape on the left in a breathless grunt. It labored under its own weight, and his voice seemed muffled. It was low, raspy, like Harvey Firestein after a night at a cigar bar.

“Good to see you again old buddy,” squealed the other. Its voice was shrill, nasal, like Edith Bunker hitting a high note. It stretched out its arms, grotesque and zombie-like. I backpedaled.

“Who the fuck are these guys?” I lost my cool, stumbling over a box of iPhone speaker docks and falling on my ass. The two leaned over and peered down at me. The details snapped into focus: the hoods, the capes, the fur was matted with blood and feces but the combination was enough to bring my memory gurgling back from the deep well of my lizard brain. As if on cue, they spoke in unison.

“It’s your pals Mortimer and Monte!” The room spun and my stomach lurched. I turned to wretch, and polo shirt went on as if nothing happened.

“I think he’s over-excited to see you guys,” he chirped.

“Get the fuck away from me!” I shrieked. The monkeys didn’t listen. They just kept shuffling forward.

I couldn’t tell if the screaming was coming from them or me.

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