We’re not selling this deal anymore, but you can buy it at Amazon

Ella Jayne Hotel Comforters

  • Delightful polyester, housed in a delectable microfiber shell.
  • 220 thread count, but who’s counting, amirite?!
  • Comes with zero cute little shampoos.
  • CF002120A: it’s not your temporary password; it’s this comforter’s model number.
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The Polyester Pillagers

It seemed like another pleasant evening in the quiet town of Mehforum, Wyoming. Little did its residents know: danger loomed. A group of shady strangers were making their way down idyllic Main Street.

They entered the general store, where the proprietor, @Dave, had stocked the shelves with Ella Jayne Hotel Comforters.

“Anything I could help you boys wi–” But @Dave stopped short when one of the men looked at him, revealing a face most often seen on Wanted posters. It was @boygenius1991, leader of the Polyester Pillagers, the most feared gang of bandits in all the digital west.

He took one comforter and smelled it. “Yuck,” he said, “polyester.”

“You’re not wearing it, you are under it.”

The Polyester Pillagers turned to find sheriff @radi0j0hn standing behind them in the doorway.

@boygenius1991 motioned to his henchman, @Aznatural1, who brandished a club and rushed the lawman, shouting, “Polyester is hot, unbreathable, sweating, overly warm, not comfortable. Comforters should be airy and breathable…comfortable.”

But before he could avail himself on the good sheriff, young deputy @cinoclav, who’d been hiding in one of the aisles, stuck his leg out, tripping @Aznatural1 and sending him crashing through the store’s front window. He stood in blown out frame, and said with smug pride: “On the contrary, there’s a reason why performance clothing is made from polyester. While cotton generally ‘breathes’ better, polyester does breathe and wicks away moisture. Cotton will absorb moisture and become even hotter and less comfortable over time.”

“Deputy,” cried the sheriff, “Watch out!”

But it was too late! @bduncan, the strongest of the Polyester Pillagers, had hoisted the poor young deputy over his head. “No plastic based fabric ‘breathes.’ Unless it is knitted in a web with holes in it,” he said in a voice as deep as the ocean, twirling @cinoclav around in the air, and heaving him out the broken window. “All plastic based fabric, sucks generally.”

The deputy tumbled onto the dusty street, sending several of the townspeople running.

“I bought one last time and love it. Washes great, is not too hot in summer and with a blanket it works well in winter.” @sun_shine, the local schoolteacher, cried out in fear.

“ProTip: If you have a queen size bed, get the king size. You’re welcome,” shouted @ThatsHeadly, the banker, holding his top hat to his head as he sprinted away.

Meanwhile, the fight raged on, but things didn’t look good for the sheriff and his deputy. They were surrounded.

“That’s exactly the point - there are fine holes in a polyester knit which allows it to ‘breathe,’” @cinoclav said weakly. “While it may not be in the same sense as cotton, it still does the job.”

@bduncan moved closer, his face contorted in a sinister smile. “Sure, but that does not mean ‘polyester does breathe’ Polyester does not, unlike cotton and other natural fibers,” he said, with a devilish laugh. “That is why in most cases natural fiber is more comfortable than plastic ones in everything from clothes, to bedding. Especially from a heat management perspective.”

The Polyester Pillagers were about to pounce when suddenly the clock tolled midnight, issuing a new deal in the town of Mehforum.

“Ah, forget it,” said @boygenius1991. “Let’s get out of here and find some town where they’re selling Cotton Touch Microfiber Sheet Sets.”

They mounted their horses and rode off, hooting with delight at the possibility, leaving Mehforum in peace… for a time.

So far today...

  • 63639 of you visited.
  • 40% on a phone, 5% on a tablet.
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  • on this deal.

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