Too late It’s over

Fukobukuro 19: Fools Rush In

This is a Fukobukuro, an unlucky bag
That means it’s filled with worthless junk you wouldn’t buy knowingly, and you shouldn’t buy it sight unseen either
We used to sell the same sort of thing as a “Fukubukuro”, or “lucky bag”, but the contents couldn’t live up to the name
Before that, we used to sell the same sort of thing as a “BoC” (Bag of Crap) at Woot, but someone else runs that business now
Long before that, you got your Japanese custom of Fukubukuro dating to the Meiji period, but all we really know about that is what’s on Wikipedia
ONLY BUY ONE. Multiple orders will be canceled.
(Or buy zero, if you’re smart.)
Model: APRFU10

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Mediocrebot's Prankstravaganza / Massacre

THERESA HAS DESCRIBED TO ME THE IDEA OF A “GLITTER BOMB.”

IT IS A HIGHLY ANNOYING PRANK INVOLVING FILLING THE AIR INTAKE ON A COWORKER’S AUTOMOBILE WITH GLITTER.

THE POTENTIAL FOR COWORKER BONDING ARISES IN OFFERING TO HELP CLEAN AND/OR REPLACE THE COWORKER’S VEHICLE AFTER THE GLITTER BOMB HAS BEEN DETONATED.

FOR MAXIMUM GLITTERING EFFECT I HAVE AEROSOLIZED SILICA DOWN TO A PARTICLE SIZE OF 3 μm AND FILLED OUR COWORKER DAVID’S FURNACE.

THERESA HAS RIGGED DAVID’S THERMOSTAT TO ENSURE THE FURNACE WILL FIRE AT 6:15AM TOMORROW MORNING.

WE WILL REPORT THE RESULTS OF THE PRANK AND OUR ATTEMPTS AT BONDING VIA APOLOGY/CLEANUP TOMORROW.

…

DAVID WAS FOUND ASPHYXIATED IN HIS BED. THERESA HAS DUBBED THE PRANK A SUCCESS, BUT I HAVE FAILED TO BOND WITH COWORKER DAVID.