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5-Pack: EuroSock Premium Athletic Socks

  • Here’s the material breakdown:60% Silver Drystat, 20% Microsupreme, 10% Spandex, and 10% Nylon. All things I’m super familiar with.
  • THESE ARE NOT GOOFY SOCKS. THEY ARE PRETTY NORMAL SOCKS.
  • They feature elastic arch support.
  • Maybe would be good running socks? They look a little sporty.
  • Model: 3809, because this was the 3809th sock type ever made. Which maybe means they were late to the game. Or early. Or somewhere in the middle. Hard to say, not knowing the total number of sock types.
see more product specs

The Summit

Each year, representatives from all 50 European countries gather for the EuroSock Summit to discuss potential changes to the sock’s age-old design. Here is a summary of year’s Summit, which took place in Luxembourg in a chamber deep inside the Grand Ducal Palace:

  • The representative from Sweden proposed changing the design, so that the sock appeared strangely both modern yet antiquated, like a torture device, but also attractive and entirely comfortable. Motion failed to pass by a vote of 11 to 39.

  • The representative from Italy proposed making the next EuroSock as soft as the richest pillowy ball of burrata, as delicate to touch as the most sumptuous pluck-able leaves of basil, and yet as firm as tagliatelle cooked to a perfect al dente. Also: more garlic. Motion failed to pass, by a vote of 19 to 31.

  • The representative from France proposed making the sock from a distinct material that would grow delightfully crusty over night, so to it could be enjoyed the next day. There was some confusion over this, but eventually the representative from France admitted she was simply hungry, having been disappointed in her hotel’s bread options that morning at breakfast. Motion failed to make it to a vote.

  • The representative from Norway proposed making the sock seven times thicker. When someone suggested he have multiple pairs of socks–some for summer, others for winter–he smiled and nodded, saying, “Yes, exactly! These would be for summer!” Motion failed to pass, by a vote of 3 to 47.

  • The representative from Ireland proposed making the socks out of a darker fabric, one “as pitch black as a Guinness.” The representative from Belgium chimed in to add that the fabric should be strong, “not unlike a delicious quadrupel.” The German representative also leaned forward to propose adding a pinch of sea salt, “one of the key ingredients in a traditional gose.” When they all three broke down laughing it became clear that they’d partaken in a few of the aforementioned beverages during the break for lunch. Motion failed to make it to a vote.

  • The representative from Lithuania proposed shelving sock-talk for a bit. Instead, she suggested, maybe they should open some rakia, grappa, limoncello, champagne, or what have you and join their Irish, Belgian, and German compatriots, who were obviously having the best time of anybody. Motion passed by a vote of 50-0.

In this way the Summit ended, just as in previous years, and the EuroSock remained mostly unchanged.

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