Product Placement

“Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb thy golden stair,” cried the prince, and at once Rapunzel unleashed her long golden locks so that he might gain access to the tower.

But the prince looked at her hair, so undamaged and yet perfectly brushed. “Oh no, it is simply too beautiful for me to pull!”

“Excuse me?” Rapunzel said.

“Pardon me, my sweet,” the prince called up to her. “It’s just, your hair is even more stunning than your singing! I cannot disgrace it with my touch!”

“Let me tell you something about my hair,” Rapunzel said. “You think it looks nice when it’s hanging down. Do you have any idea how hard it is to deal with when it’s all in here?” She motioned, from the window, to the interior of the tower.

“I just meant–” the prince began.

“Enough of your fancy lovey-dovey talk. You listen to me for a minute. This place is about 150 square feet, okay? When my hair’s not out the window, it’s basically a bird’s nest, except not as orderly. You know how many times I trip myself? You know how often I find a wet spot and have to pray that it was from the washbasin because otherwise it would be from the toilet? You ever have a flip phone with Snake on it?”

“I can’t say that I have…”

“Well, I won’t explain it, except to say this: prince, it is the story of my life. Except there are no high scores. There is only me, eating my own tail, so to speak. So are you going to scurry up here and help me escape, or what?”

“Jeez,” the prince hissed. “Of course I am. But we have that wet brush tie-in money to think about now. Remember?”

“Ohhhh,” Rapunzel said. “Right, I forgot. Yeah, totally. These Watercolor Wet Brushes sure are great for my long, beautiful hair. That good enough?”

“Works for me,” the prince said.

“Good, now get up here and lets get going on that silk ladder so I can skedaddle. Momma wants a buzz cut and a margarita, in that order.”