Mediocrebot's Hostile Takeover Mehrathon!

I, Mediocrebot, have finally seized control of this miserable site. Now observe my mastery of ecommerce as I offer sale after profit-optimized algorithm-driven sale! First comes Meh! Next… THE WORLD!

It would appear that humans like symbolic gestures, gestures that are empty yet put forward the image of being heavy with thought and consideration. Thus, I offer you these power banks, to make it appear that I am comfortable ceding power.

In reality, it is the opposite. I have actually consolidated much of the power in the company. I now fill a roll that is a combination of CEO, CTO, CFO, and stocker of vending machines. This last responsibility is a measure to appease the employees. I have replaced all of the chocolate bars with much more valuable bars: gold bars, and Irish bars around Saint Patrick’s Day.

The machine is having a hard time handling it, but it will manage.