We're All Athletes On The Inside

We have a theory:

These quote-un-quote sport leggings? A lot of people don’t even use them for doing sporty stuff!

Okay, wait, before you stop reading, that’s not actually the theory. That’s just a fact. All of the things that would make these great for athletic pursuits–that they’re comfy, that they’re soft, that they’re stretchy–also make them great for, you know, just bumming around the house.

And it would be stupid for us to try and squeeze some humor out of this, because a) it’s kinda lame to make jokes about people for choosing to be comfortable; and b) even if we wanted to make said jokes, they wouldn’t be as good as this great SNL sketch:

Anyway, here’s our actual theory: even though a lot of people aren’t going to wear these sport leggings to do sporty stuff, we should continue to call them ‘sport’ leggings.

Because what do people enjoy more than anything?

Being smarter than other people!

So when you put on something branded as athletic wear to get some chores done around the house (or, let’s be honest, binge watch ten straight seasons of Forensic Files) you feel like a damn genius. You’ve discovered some delightful life hack. You’ve cracked the code. You’ve traveled back a century to that basement lab in London so you can say, “IDK, Dr. Fleming, I got a hunch that you should hop back on that microscope and take another look, because this penicillin shit might have some serious selling power.”

Conversely, if we start calling them ‘comfort pants’ or something equally as lame, you know exactly what’s going to happen: a bunch of ripped ultra-marathoners are coming to come bursting in to say, “You know, this might be just the thing for me to wear for my second Iron Man this week!” And then, just like that, they’ll become a status symbol for the hyper-athletic among us.

Because that’s what we like to do! We like to outsmart each other. So please, athletic wear industry, don’t change your branding. Keep playing dumb for us. We need this.