No Shifting Allowed!

Coworkers! Friends! Future kings and queens of the pillow industry! Behold, I, Doctor Gilbert Ohara, have completed the task you set before me. Please, if you wouldn’t mind following me through the lab, I’ll explain my process in full.

I’ll admit, at first it seemed an impossible task. ‘Zero shift’? But how?

My initial idea was for a pillow that came with an attached full-body harness, but my test subject Henri found sleep rather uncomfortable while every inch of his body was restricted. Not to mention, it took my team of seven assistants nearly three hours just to secure him. Pretty impractical. At any rate, here is the prototype.

Really, though, the harness was a wake-up call. What was I doing? I am Doctor Gilbert Ohara, after all! My nearly two decades of work in the comfort industry is defined by the defiance of all known science. I am not called the Alchemist of Rest for working with some damn straps! And so I decided to try something much more in fitting with my reputation.

And so, her it is: the shift-less pillow!

Notice how my subject Jean-Luc lays upon it completely still, but if you look closely, there is a tensing and relaxing of various muscles in his arms, legs, neck, and face. That is because the shift-less pillow inoculates the sleeper through the slow release of an odorless mist, the makeup of which I cannot disclose. For your sake, I mean. Ethically speaking, it’s best for you all to know as little as possible about the mist. Anyway, once the mist is breathed in, it locks the body in place, but allows the mind to believe movement is possible. Hence the aforementioned tensing and relaxing of the muscles. The mist will only dissipate when an alarm clock goes off, allowing for free movement once again.

There have been some kinks I’ve had to work out, of course. That man-shaped pillow leaned up against the wall over there, for example, is my subject Claude. The first prototype of the shift-less pillow was very aggressive and managed to not only inoculate but incorporate poor Claude into itself. On the bright side: if we can return him to his human form, his time spent as a pillow might allow us greater insight while making pillow-related innovations in the future!

At any rate, what do you think of the shift-less pillow?

Oh, you didn’t want the pillow to shift? Well, that should be much simpler to achieve. Let’s reconvene in a week.