Charcoal Grill

In the board room, Clark McNellon addressed the four members of his ideation department. “Well, gang, we’ve finally done it. When we decided to create a tooth whitening solution made of charcoal, everyone said it couldn’t be done. They said it didn’t make sense, that it would never sell. And we proved them all wrong. Our Charcoal Teeth Whitener is a huge success. It’s even appeared on Meh.com, one of the clearest indicators of a product’s perfect execution.”

The members of the ideation department cheered, but McNellon quieted them.

“It’s not time for celebration just yet,” he said. “Any company can put out one great seemingly contradictory product. But it’s in the follow-up that their true ingenuity is truly exposed. That’s why I’ve gathered you here today. We need to come up with our next great seemingly contradictory product that will show we’re not just some one trick teeth whitening pony. So, who has ideas?”

“What about cannabis energy supplements?” suggested Jennifer.

“Probably illegal,” said McNellon.

“Cocaine sleeping pills?” suggested Arthur.

“Definitely illegal,” said McNellon.

“Blue cheese foot wash,” Jennifer said.

“Too French for the US market,” said McNellon.

“Kimchi mouthwash,” offered Arthur.

“Cabbage farmers make me uncomfortable,” said McNellon.

“What about teeth colored charcoal blackener?” said Anderson, who looked as though he had been using both cannabis energy supplements and cocaine sleeping pills in excess for years.

McNellon only stared at him before turning to Angela. The others followed suit. They all knew it would come down to this. She was the genius, after all. Charcoal Teeth Whitener had been her idea, earning her an honorary title within the office: the Queen of Incongruous Congruity. It didn’t exactly roll of the tongue, but no matter. For a moment, the conference room was completely silent.

“Okay,” said Angela finally. “Get this: it’s Tide Pods, but for actually washing clothes.”

“Brilliant,” said McNellon breathlessly. “Nobody would ever expect such a thing.” But he spoke to no one but himself, his voice drowned out entirely by the applause of the other three.